2.11.08

Sunday confessional:


I hate spiders. More than anything on the planet.
I dont have spiders like everyone else does in my building because I have been waging a war of terror and genocide on the bastards for 5 years. I spray perimeter guard around every inch of my space, inside and out, and every spider I have ever killed in here, I have left the body in its place of death for other spiders to see and recognize. I have created an unusually intense culture of fear in the spider kingdom. If I can, I never crush a spider, instead I a apply a generous spraying of Clorox Household cleaner on it as it scuttles away from me. Its fries and crinkles and melts, then sort of sticks to the wall as a message to others in its tribe: Dont come here. You will die, your children will die and your seed shall be erased.
I have built my house on the bones of spiders.

All this because someone asked me last night about a particularly large brown stain on the cieling, and I am typically a very clean person. It was of course, the site of a slaying, left uncleaned as a message to its family.
I once stayed up til 5am to catch a spider that I spotted out of the corner of my eye and wasnt even sure was there til an hour into the hunt. He was big, then he was dead. He got Simple Green, which from a chemical death standpoint is like....easy street. I think he just sort of fell asleep and didnt wake up.
If your a damn spider, stay out of my way.

2 Henchmen:

SadieMBeagle said...

Wow. That's...horrifyingly disturbing. Do you know you can buy a pack of plugin dealies that send out a signal in a frequency humans can't hear, but it drives spiders away? Yup. No muss, no fuss, and no spider death.

Ninja-Motorhome! said...

i enjoy my methods so much more tho. Its taken years to build this!